I've been struggling with my weight for a while. Ever since I had my first child and I had the pooch from the C-section, I've wanted to have a body again.
I can remember when I was younger, I used to hate my body because I didn't have boobs. I look at pictures of myself when I was younger--early high school-- and think to myself "Wow, was I an idiot not to see that I had a great body." But being that age, you're almost never going to have a good body image.
Before, when I would "diet", it never lasted long. It would last a week, maybe 2, then I'd say "I'd rather be fat and happy, then skinny and miserable." My justification for eating like crap and not getting any physical activity.
I would buy workout equipment, or video games for the Wii. Again, it would never last long. I'd use them for a day or two, then get caught up in something, or make excuses, or just be too damn tired to do anything.
In 2010 when I had my 2nd child, my weight was about 200. I lost a good deal of it after having J, trying to breastfeed, my body re-adjusting, etc. Then my world turned upside down and my weight spiraled out of control as well as my life...
On December 21st, 2010, my mother passed away at the age of 47. It's really difficult for me to even type this as I still haven't truly mourned her death. Life always has a crappy way of getting in the way of things you should probably take care of...
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| My mom and I December 11th 2010 |
After my mom passed away, I was unemployed, a stay at home mom and super depressed. I lived off of Zebra Cakes and Coca-Cola. I should have been looking for a job, but was not interested in working at all. I just wanted to stay at home, eat Zebra Cakes, and watch TV. My weight went all the way back up to 203lbs. Looking back at some of the pictures, I felt so out of my skin. My clothes weren't fitting right. I had didn't have a long lean face anymore (and that's usually the last place I gain weight). I always wore baggy tees and baggy pants, didn't really take any care in my appearance, or take care of myself. Needless to say, I was an emotional mess, even if I didn't know it.
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| My "little" brother and I- June 2011 at my heaviest |
I got married in March of 2011. D and I had initially wanted to do it sooner, but with my mother's death, we pushed it back to a date when my dad could be in town so I could at least have some of my own family around. I had to wear a size 18 dress. While it was a great dress, I just felt ha-uuuuuge. Not really how I wanted to feel on my wedding day. Even if it was my 2nd. ;)
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| The hubs and I March 18th 2011 |
In September of 2011, I got my job working where I am now, and I slowly started to come out of my funk. To be honest, I just push down the feelings I have about my mother. I should probably talk to someone about that, but I'm not ready to at this point. Anyways, I really enjoyed my job and things started looking better for me. So I got back into the swing of things, and started to REALLY realize that I was on the heavy side.
That's when my makeup obsession started. I started selling Mary Kay, and getting into all things beauty related. Since then, I have acquired a LOT of makeup and makeup related products. It also got me thinking that I needed to take better care of myself. And thus the yo-yo dieting began again.
For about 2 weeks I did the smoothie/juice cleanse. It gave me a jump on losing weight as you saw in previous posts. But I eventually caved back into eating like crap and gained a bunch of the weight back and was back in the 190's. I was back to the "rather be fat and happy, than skinny and miserable" crap. UGH. I still didn't like the way I looked in the mirror--with our without clothes, I was tired all the time, and I just couldn't get motivated.
It wasn't until I finally went in to see the doctor about being tired all the time, that things started to fall into place a little bit. My blood pressure was still high, and I hadn't been treating it. I was set up with a sleep study to see if I had any sleeping disorders (the hubs swears up and down that I'm a snoring maniac and probably have the startings of sleep apnea) and that was a pointless experience. I couldn't freakin sleep!!! I had all these wires with sticky crap all over my face and hair, I wasn't in MY bed, and I had the anxiety of knowing I was being watching. Needless to say, I'm pretty sure I never even made it to REM sleep. So of course the results came back as "nothing wrong". I got a new prescription for blood pressure medication and went on my way.
It was about a month later, when I was running low on my meds, that I've decided I've had enough. I was tired of being tired, tired of being overweight, and tired of being unhealthy. At work, we just had our new gym open up a few weeks earlier and I decided it was time to start utilizing the tools that I had available FOR FREE.
I walked in the gym--and opted to start with the elliptical. I was familiar with it, low impact on my knees. I could do that! Yeah... I could barely do 10 minuets on the damn thing. I could generate about 60 something watts and my heartrate soared into the 170's-180's. I was a MESS! But I did 10 minuets. It was something for me. For someone who hadn't done anything remotely strenuous in a very, VERY long time. I also took up taking an AMAZ-A-BALLS multivitamin called "Alive- Women's Energy" as well as a DHA capsule for non-fish omega 3's. I've noticed a huge difference in my energy levels taking these and if I forget--holy crap I feel like... well... crap.
So after a couple of times hitting the gym, I started reading Mama Laughlin and Skinny Meg's blogs, keeping up with their Instagram's, Facebook's, and recently being introduced to Keek through them as well. I realized I need to add some weights to my routine. I started going to the gym during my lunch hour. Hopping on the elliptical first, then trying some free weights.
I'm proud to say that I can now done 20 minuets on the elliptical without stopping. I've also gone from 5lbs weights, to 7.5. Now I'm only able to do a set of about 10-20 reps (depending on what I'm doing) because I'm limited on time, but I'm still doing SOMETHING. My heart rate is also getting more difficult to get up to my target zone. when I first hopped on the elliptical, I was at my target heart rate within a few seconds. Today, it took me almost 2 minuets to get to it, and I couldn't really get it past 163-- and it was HARD to get it to that.
When I started about a month ago, I was 188ish lbs. I'm now down to 185. Not a whole lot, but at this point, I'm really more worried about getting healthy. I want my blood pressure to be lower, I want to have energy and stamina to do more with my kids. I want to go outside and play soccer with my kids. I figure the "skinny" part will come along with being healthy.
I've been doing a monthly challenge for April---the 2 minuet plank challenge. So far so good. I even did my 45 second plank today. And today is 1 of my 2 "off" days. I don't work on the weekends, and I work out every work day, so I have Saturday and Sunday as my off days. Next week I'm going to start pushing myself a little harder. I may even look into doing my own personal spin class---since we have bikes in the gym too. I don't think I'm ready for the treadmill just yet. But I do see 5K's in my future *AHEM* Run For Your Lives...
I've come to the realization that THIS is IT! No more being super lazy anymore. I'm pushing myself every day at work to hit the gym---no matter what. I may wake up and feel like I may not make it, but I'll be damned if I'm not grabbing my bag and telling myself "You'd better get your ass in there and KICK IT!" I know that if I didn't, I'd totally regret it. Right now, I'm keeping holding myself accountable. I have a pseudo gym "buddy" but she hasn't joined me in the last 2 weeks. I've playfully chastised her, but I won't push her to go if she really doesn't want to go. She has to want to go to.
I'm also doing baby steps. While I loved doing Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred, I also realized that I was hurting myself. I couldn't walk for almost 4 days after I did it. That's not how I will be able to make my changes. I'm making baby steps. And I do plan on going toe to toe with Jillian again soon. For now, I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing to work my way up slowly so I don't hurt myself again.
I also need to learn some different strength training moves, and get organized with them. That's one thing I'm horrible with--organization. Only on a personal level. Work is something totally different. I usually do some cardio then go from one move to the next, just on a whim. I feel like I could get more done if I went in with an ACTUAL agenda. So organization (in all aspects of my personal life) is a goal for me as well as getting healthy.
Do I have an "ideal weight"? Sure--but I'm not hardcore focusing on that right now. I want to lower my blood pressure and no longer need medication. I want to have strength to go for a hike, or walk around for long periods of time, and go play outside with my kids. I want to be a better example for my kids. I want to be healthy enough to start trying for another baby. I want to live past the age of 47.
Most of all....
I want to LIVE!
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| The hubs and I- July 2012 P-Town "End of Year" party |
For about 2 weeks I did the smoothie/juice cleanse. It gave me a jump on losing weight as you saw in previous posts. But I eventually caved back into eating like crap and gained a bunch of the weight back and was back in the 190's. I was back to the "rather be fat and happy, than skinny and miserable" crap. UGH. I still didn't like the way I looked in the mirror--with our without clothes, I was tired all the time, and I just couldn't get motivated.
 |
| I can't believe I got down to 182 and blew it! >.< |
It wasn't until I finally went in to see the doctor about being tired all the time, that things started to fall into place a little bit. My blood pressure was still high, and I hadn't been treating it. I was set up with a sleep study to see if I had any sleeping disorders (the hubs swears up and down that I'm a snoring maniac and probably have the startings of sleep apnea) and that was a pointless experience. I couldn't freakin sleep!!! I had all these wires with sticky crap all over my face and hair, I wasn't in MY bed, and I had the anxiety of knowing I was being watching. Needless to say, I'm pretty sure I never even made it to REM sleep. So of course the results came back as "nothing wrong". I got a new prescription for blood pressure medication and went on my way.
It was about a month later, when I was running low on my meds, that I've decided I've had enough. I was tired of being tired, tired of being overweight, and tired of being unhealthy. At work, we just had our new gym open up a few weeks earlier and I decided it was time to start utilizing the tools that I had available FOR FREE.
I walked in the gym--and opted to start with the elliptical. I was familiar with it, low impact on my knees. I could do that! Yeah... I could barely do 10 minuets on the damn thing. I could generate about 60 something watts and my heartrate soared into the 170's-180's. I was a MESS! But I did 10 minuets. It was something for me. For someone who hadn't done anything remotely strenuous in a very, VERY long time. I also took up taking an AMAZ-A-BALLS multivitamin called "Alive- Women's Energy" as well as a DHA capsule for non-fish omega 3's. I've noticed a huge difference in my energy levels taking these and if I forget--holy crap I feel like... well... crap.
So after a couple of times hitting the gym, I started reading Mama Laughlin and Skinny Meg's blogs, keeping up with their Instagram's, Facebook's, and recently being introduced to Keek through them as well. I realized I need to add some weights to my routine. I started going to the gym during my lunch hour. Hopping on the elliptical first, then trying some free weights.
I'm proud to say that I can now done 20 minuets on the elliptical without stopping. I've also gone from 5lbs weights, to 7.5. Now I'm only able to do a set of about 10-20 reps (depending on what I'm doing) because I'm limited on time, but I'm still doing SOMETHING. My heart rate is also getting more difficult to get up to my target zone. when I first hopped on the elliptical, I was at my target heart rate within a few seconds. Today, it took me almost 2 minuets to get to it, and I couldn't really get it past 163-- and it was HARD to get it to that.
When I started about a month ago, I was 188ish lbs. I'm now down to 185. Not a whole lot, but at this point, I'm really more worried about getting healthy. I want my blood pressure to be lower, I want to have energy and stamina to do more with my kids. I want to go outside and play soccer with my kids. I figure the "skinny" part will come along with being healthy.
I've been doing a monthly challenge for April---the 2 minuet plank challenge. So far so good. I even did my 45 second plank today. And today is 1 of my 2 "off" days. I don't work on the weekends, and I work out every work day, so I have Saturday and Sunday as my off days. Next week I'm going to start pushing myself a little harder. I may even look into doing my own personal spin class---since we have bikes in the gym too. I don't think I'm ready for the treadmill just yet. But I do see 5K's in my future *AHEM* Run For Your Lives...
I've come to the realization that THIS is IT! No more being super lazy anymore. I'm pushing myself every day at work to hit the gym---no matter what. I may wake up and feel like I may not make it, but I'll be damned if I'm not grabbing my bag and telling myself "You'd better get your ass in there and KICK IT!" I know that if I didn't, I'd totally regret it. Right now, I'm keeping holding myself accountable. I have a pseudo gym "buddy" but she hasn't joined me in the last 2 weeks. I've playfully chastised her, but I won't push her to go if she really doesn't want to go. She has to want to go to.
I'm also doing baby steps. While I loved doing Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred, I also realized that I was hurting myself. I couldn't walk for almost 4 days after I did it. That's not how I will be able to make my changes. I'm making baby steps. And I do plan on going toe to toe with Jillian again soon. For now, I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing to work my way up slowly so I don't hurt myself again.
I also need to learn some different strength training moves, and get organized with them. That's one thing I'm horrible with--organization. Only on a personal level. Work is something totally different. I usually do some cardio then go from one move to the next, just on a whim. I feel like I could get more done if I went in with an ACTUAL agenda. So organization (in all aspects of my personal life) is a goal for me as well as getting healthy.
Do I have an "ideal weight"? Sure--but I'm not hardcore focusing on that right now. I want to lower my blood pressure and no longer need medication. I want to have strength to go for a hike, or walk around for long periods of time, and go play outside with my kids. I want to be a better example for my kids. I want to be healthy enough to start trying for another baby. I want to live past the age of 47.
Most of all....
I want to LIVE!
 |
| I approve of sweat sesh's! |
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